Let's Explore female domination together, let's reframe the obvious ♀
In the darkest corners of your mind, the stuff that bubbles out into your dreams and fantasies. Whips and chains and things that bring pain. Some based in reality, some based in pure unobtainable fantasy and some who would be ideal collaborators in your dark mileau.
One of the reasons Lady Edyn is so easily able to enslave men is that she has that perfect blend of feminine curves with a very fit physique. Her thighs in particular tend to gather many stray eyes from nearby men, so if this male wants permission to kiss them he will have to earn it with his pain.
The atmosphere is perfect – candles lit, incense burning, sexy music filling the room. Your man comes to you, deliciously naked skin glowing in the candlelight…
You see the hunger in his eyes and know that it matches your own. He lays down on the bed on his stomach and your eyes feast on his hot round ass. You run your hand down his back for a moment, relishing the feel of his skin.
Then, your eyes focused on that beautiful ass, you strike – smacking his ass with your flat open palm, feeling it smart and knowing it’s even more acute for him. Your ears find joy in his delicious moan of pain and pleasure as your eyes feast on the red mark your hand left behind. You raise your hand, preparing to strike again.
Welcome to the exciting and erotic world of male spanking. Spanking is one of several forms of sexual dominance play, and this article is about the more playful aspects of play spanking (to condition him to your authority) and NOT punishment spankings, which are designed to CORRECT bad behaviour.
It is often, but not always, accompanied by other bondage and discipline pleasures ranging from lightly tying your partner to the bed to full fledged leather straps and ball gags. Sometimes male spanking is done with a flat open palm, sometimes with a paddle, hair brush, or horse crop. Male spanking comes in many forms, as wide and varied as the imagination of the partaking partners.
If you are new to the world of discipline, you may wonder why someone would choose to be spanked.
There are many reasons why your male partner might be into this. For some, the trials and pressures of daily life create stress, and letting go and letting someone else be in charge for a while can be very attractive and fulfilling. For others, pain equals pleasure – as in “it hurts so good.”
Some men simply enjoy the occasional sharp and playful whack on the ass during intercourse or while masturbating. Others enjoy a more prolonged spanking session – which creates discomfort but can also transport the “spankee” into an almost Zen-like state of meditation, as the body releases endorphins in response to the perceived body trauma.
Some men enjoy full-fledged bondage and discipline sessions where they are made to feel completely helpless and at the mercy of their partner.
For them, the humiliation and helplessness are the biggest turn-ons, and the spanking is only one small aspect to that. As with any sexual act, communication with your partner is vital, in an atmosphere that is open, loving, and truly accepting.
If you and your partner wish to explore the world of male spanking, there are a few tips to help you have the most enjoyable experience possible:
Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. –This deserves repeating several times. Sexual fantasies are often difficult to discuss with partners. Many of us carry a fear that our partners will be turned off or will think we are too weird for words if we share the deepest sexual desires of our heart with them. It can be difficult for your male partner to admit he feels the need for a good old-fashioned ass beating, but if you are able to lovingly accept him and help fulfill his fantasies, it will bring a deeper level of closeness to your relationship. You may also find that the act of spanking him awakens pleasures in you that you may want to wish to explore further.
Create a Safe Word –A safe word is a very important aspect of all discipline play, particularly as the play intensifies. Along with the desire for “more, more, more” comes the moment when a person feels they’ve enough – or even too much, and that is where the safety word comes in. It’s very important to make this word something completely unrelated to the sexual act. Don’t count on simply being able to tell your partner to stop, since saying “no” is usually part of the overall illusion of helplessness. Great examples of safe words are: Carolina, banana, or snaggletooth.
Explore New Tools of the Trade –As you enter the world of discipline play, feel free to explore different things. There are many and varied sexual tools, from the paddles, whips and cat-o-nine-tails found in your local adult shop to typical household items such as fly swatters and spatulas. The most basic tool of all, of course, is the human hand. The possibilities are endless and all a matter of personal preference. Be playful and open minded and you may discover exciting and surprising new pleasures along the way.
Fantasize. – When spanking, feel free to fantasize. Creating scenarios can greatly increase the pleasure and sharing. Perhaps you’re the angry teacher paddling the ass of your very naughty pupil. Or your male partner might be a patient in the hospital, needing a special “spanking therapy” in order to heal. Maybe he’s the dishonest bookkeeper needing to be punished after you discovered him embezzling money from you. Maybe he’s a man you’ve picked up in a bar with the intention of expressing your will upon him. Let your imaginations soar together. You never know where they might take you.
The most important thing to remember is that no matter how disciplinary activities might appear on the surface, they are mutually consensual and pleasurable activities.
Any “hustle” or “threats” are only a part of the “atmosphere” and are never serious, that is ladies, until he learns female supremacy is not a game, and the ‘play time’ has turned into ‘real time’. By then, it will be too late for him… )))
First, I want to preface this thread that this is not one of those fantasy posts, this is an honest way that I perform chastity with my husband. When he first approached me with this, I was a bit skeptical, it seemed beyond my experience, but after three months of doing this, it is a major turn on for me knowing that my husband cannot touch himself without me unlocking him.
Because I worry if I am doing something wrong attaching the chastity devices (yes, we use multiple for different reasons) what I do is tell my husband which one I want him to wear. We have a plain chastity device, a birdlocked pico that we use for punishment, and a spiked cock ring for what I like to consider his “porn sensitivity trainer.” We also have a heavy ball stretcher and a remote shocker that I have him wear in public under his clothes and alternate between ball stretching or shocking and chastity when he goes out in public. The shocker can be fun, it is remote, push the button for a surprise or when he gets out of line. If he jerks and anyone asks just say it was back spasms.. haha
I want to reiterate what a turn on this has become for me as his wife knowing I control his cock. I am a busy person and what took away from this at first was attaching the devices and locking them in to place. Now, I have him put the device on and lock it and have him get things ready for the scenarios I want to play which I will go in to detail below. Read More
The so-called “ruined” orgasm is one of the most intensely pleasurable, toe-curling, sweat-inducing, back-arching, fist-clenching, teeth-gnashing, brain-bending tricks you can use in the bedroom to drive your man into an animal sexual frenzy. It is also perhaps the least understood and most underused method of extending and delivering pleasure to both partners.
This post is mainly for my fellow ladies out there (you wives and girlfriends), but you gentlemen are welcome to follow along, too (if you like what you see, then I strongly encourage you to pass this along to your girlfriends!). I hope this post corrects some of the big misconceptions about “ruining” the male orgasm, teaches you how to do it, and convinces you to try it, in real life – tonight! Even if you don’t succeed the first time (or the second time, or the third…) the learning process alone is insanely fun for both of you, and the payoff, once you get it right, will blow your minds!
The Name Is Misleading: It’s Still An Orgasm!
I think the biggest misconception about ruined orgasms comes from the word “ruined.” It sounds bad. It sounds like torture or something you would do to someone you don’t like very much. Presumably, you love your man. You want him to be happy. Orgasms make him happy, and you enjoy giving him the biggest and best orgasms he’s ever had in his entire life. Why on Earth would you ever want to “ruin” his orgasm? That makes no sense!
The name is simply wrong. A properly ruined orgasm is STILL an orgasm! It’s not “ruined” at all! It feels profoundly different to him, but it still feels GREAT– especially if you use it as a tool to extend your lovemaking!!
The so-called ruined orgasm is a special kind of climax, achieved in a very specific way, that triggers a slightly different sequence of physical, emotional, and hormonal reactions in his body. A “ruined” orgasm feels profoundly different from a “regular” orgasm. To a man accustomed to and expecting normal orgasms (i.e., all men) the sudden surprise of new and different sensations might be confused, in his hyper-aroused brain, with disappointment. (My husband used the word “unexpected”) I think that’s where the word “ruined” comes from. He was expecting a very specific, fantastic sensation – but you gave him a slightly different (still fantastic) sensation instead, and his irrational gut reaction might be frustration.
It’s like when you bite into a chocolate, expecting it to be filled with delicious caramel – only to discover, once it’s in your mouth, that it’s actually filled with delicious strawberry. You were expecting one thing, but at the last second, you got something different. Your gut reaction (you can’t help it) might be disappointment. Caramel and strawberry are both great, though! Your “disappointment” or “frustration” derives from the dissonance in your mind between expectation and reality. Your taste buds and pleasure centers were trained and prepared for chocolate-covered caramel. They got chocolate-covered strawberry instead. Does that negate the yumminess of the chocolate? Does that mean the chocolate was “ruined”? Of course not!
From the first time your man discovered he could pleasure himself (spoiler alert: many years before he met you!) the male brain is thoroughly trained to expect a specific sequence of sensations during orgasm. Men don’t naturally ruin themselves. And, assuming your man had other girlfriends before you, (just keeping it real, ladies… he probably did) couples usually don’t ruin the male orgasm during typical, natural, fumbling, instinctive sex. So your man may have never experienced the sensations you are about to give him. His pleasure centers are deeply tuned to expect caramel, every time, and you are about to show him strawberry. He can’t help but be surprised by the taste, even if you tell him it’s coming. Does that make strawberry “bad”? Of course not! Strawberry is great! It’s just different.
So please, please, PLEASE don’t feel bad about ruining your man’s orgasm! The word “ruin” has so many negative connotations. It’s a terrible word for what’s really happening. It’s doing terrible damage by discouraging loving couples from trying this wonderful activity. I didn’t pick the word, but I use it, because that’s the word everybody else uses, so at least we know what we’re all talking about. Some people use the phrase “touchless orgasm” instead – better, but still not perfect.
I say: Focus on the word “orgasm”. Orgasms are unequivocally GREAT! You are giving him a special kind of orgasm! That’s a GOOD thing! What’s so special about it, you ask? Well…
Ruined Orgasms = Extended Pleasure
I’ll get to how you achieve ruined orgasms a little bit later. But first, why? What’s the benefit of a “ruined” orgasm over a “regular” one?
Ruined orgasms trigger a slightly different sequence of physical, emotional, and hormonal reactions in the male body. All of this is involuntary. It’s a reflex, and all men have it. Just like normal orgasm, he can’t control it. Whereas a normal orgasm causes him to go limp and enter what doctors call the “refractory period” where he is no longer motivated to have sex, a ruined orgasm has the opposite effect – it causes him to stay hard, fully aroused, hyper-energized, and HIGHLY motivated to have sex.
Yup! He gets to have an orgasm… immediately followed by MORE pleasure! MORE sex! As far as perks go, that’s a huge fucking perk!
But that’s not all. It also relaxes the urgent release channels, in his brain, temporarily raising his tolerance for sexual pleasure and increasing his stamina. Simply put… a man who’s been ruined once or twice (or more!) in a single night can fuck you harder and longer than you ever thought possible. He can fuck (or get fucked) continuously, relentlessly, at full intensity until you’ve had as many orgasms as you want and you’re both thoroughly exhausted. Go ahead, get sweaty! Let him wreck you! Flip him and ride him to your heart’s content! He will stay rock-hard the entire time, and he won’t cum! Or, if he does cum, it will only be after a long, intense lovemaking session, far beyond his normal, natural physical capacity. It’s fucking AWESOME! Some of the best sex you will ever have!
Basically, a ruined orgasm (or three) multiplies his sexual endurance for the rest of the night, without reducing his desire. In fact, it amplifies his desire, because he gets to experience a higher pleasure plateau than he would normally be capable of experiencing! Normally, when you crank him up to “10″, he cums. After a few ruined orgasms, you can crank him all the way to “20″ and he keeps going! Huge win for BOTH of you!
The Physical Effect, Explained
In a normal orgasm, the male hits his peak of pleasure, then comes crashing down in a wonderful, violent torrent of release, followed by an involuntary rest-and-recharge time called the “refractory period.” Powerful muscle contractions fire bursts of pent-up cum from his body. He feels a warm, satisfying wash of hormones. Then his cock goes limp and his entire body instinctively commands him to rest and recover. It’s over for now. No more sex, for either of you.
In a ruined orgasm, the male hits his peak of pleasure, tips just barely over the edge, but the violent crash is not triggered. It’s not triggered, because the expected physical stimulation is absent (more on that, later). Weak muscle contractions struggle to squeeze the cum from his body. Instead of firing bursts, he leaks out. He feels an electric tremor throughout his body, distinctly different from the warm wash of a normal orgasm, but still intensely pleasurable. Importantly, the sense of “satisfaction” never triggers. He had an orgasm, and he unloaded some cum, but he feels “unfinished.” He’s still rock hard, and he wants more. He NEEDS more. Your night is just getting started…
Exactly How To Ruin A Man
Okay, you’re sold on the idea. Now… how do you do it?
The core concept is actually very simple. If “10″ is his point-of-no-return (the point at which his reflexes kick in and orgasm becomes inevitable), then you want to take him to “10″ exactly… then let go, back off, and cease all stimulation. As long as he doesn’t touch himself, his reflexes will carry him through a ruined orgasm. Mission Accomplished!
Sounds easy enough. It’s an art, though, and there is a difference between a good ruined orgasm and a great one. To bend your man’s brain and give him truly epic ruined orgasms, you need to know his body very, very well. You need to study his specific sequence of escalating physical pleasure signals, to identify the first possible moment in the sequence where you can let go and cause him to still cascade through climax. Arched back, tensed muscles, grunts, whimpers, pulsing cock, retracted balls – every man has his signals. Watch closely while you pleasure him. Study your man. Learn your man!
It is a common misconception that you should let go “at the last possible second.” That’s wrong, and it’s the easiest beginner mistake to make.
That’s a mistake! That’s NOT the best possible ruined orgasm! (It’s still an orgasm, so don’t feel bad about it… but you can do better)
She let go too late. He was already cumming by the time she let go. He was already cascading down the waterfall of full orgasm, firing bursts of cum like normal. He is likely to be fully satisfied, go limp, and enter the refractory period. No more sex tonight.
But, hey… if you’re going to fail, at least it’s a fun way to fail! That’s another perk of this trick. You will probably fail, many times, while you perfect your technique. But at least it’s the most fun either of you will ever have while failing at something!
Another example of letting go too late:
Instead of letting go “at the last second” you actually want to let go as early as possible.
You want him to hang, untouched, on the verge of climax, for as long as physically possible, before his body reflexively sends him over. Do it correctly, and his cum should just dribble out, under weak contractions.
See the difference? Especially that last one. See how long he “hangs” without any stroking, before weakly tipping over? That tiny eternity feels fucking glorious to him! With lots and lots of practice on your man, you want to extend that “hangtime” to be as long as possible.
Practice Makes Perfect
With good communication, you can find the perfect timing together, by working your way “backwards” from the moment of his orgasm. Start by having him tell you, out loud, when he hits what he believes to be his point-of-no-return. Back off at exactly that moment (the urge to keep touching him will be VERY strong – you must resist the urge!). With him telling you when to stop, your first few times might look something like this:
That’s pretty good (and, of course, it feels amazing for him!) but you can do better. Men always misjudge their own point-of-no-return. It’s probably long before he says it is.
The problem is: He’s in a mindless pleasure-trance. (you put him there!) So he’s not the most reliable person right now. In order to find his true point-of-no-return, you need to study the cascade of physical reactions happening in his body in the precious seconds before he calls “stop.” Then, night after night, progressively work your way backward through that cascade, stopping sooner and sooner, on your own (without him telling you when to “stop”), until you find the point where he doesn’t climax at all. Then, night after night, slowly and very carefully work your way forward again, until you find the point where he lingers for 5 to 15 seconds, untouched, before leaking uncontrollably. Then, night after night, re-test that same exact point, and tiny variations around that point, until you have him totally “figured out.”
Congratulations! You now know how to destroy your man – how to make him cum with maximum pleasure, without ending your night of fun – how to utterly and completely fuck him up in the best possible way! When he regains consciousness, I promise he will thank you, with pure awe and love in his wide, exhausted eyes.
Notes And Tips
Restraints help a LOT! He will desperately crave that familiar sensation of “satisfaction.” In a mindless craze, he might reach down and try to finish himself with his hand, ruining all the hard work you did together. It might be nearly impossible for him to resist this instinctive urge. Don’t blame him or get mad at him if he does. Just tie him down, so it never happens again.
That gif brings me to my second important note: “Leaking” is an excellent signal that you’ve done everything right. But every man is different, every night is different, and every orgasm is different. You might do everything exactly the same way, every time, and one time your man might leak under weak contractions; another time he might fire untouched bursts of cum, like a seemingly normal orgasm. On different nights, he might leak different amounts. One night might look like this:
Basically… the power of his “cumshot” is a clue to help you know if you’re doing it right, (weaker is better) but it’s not the entire answer. This is human sexuality we’re talking about here… Everything is subjective, hard to describe, and seems to change for no reason on a daily basis. Want to know if you ruined him right? Ask him! Then, try something slightly different, and ask him about that, too!
Another huge clue that you’re “doing it right” will be in his refractory period – or lack of one. After a typical good ruined orgasm, his cock should not “wilt” at all. He should stay aroused, erect, and eager for more action – although he might be painfully oversensitive for 1-3 minutes. Give him a short break, then go at it again – that’s kind of the whole point of this. Ride him, suck him, stroke him, whatever you want. Ruin him again and again, if you like. If he’s able to stay hard, yet his stamina is miraculously 1000% better, then you definitely ruined him right.
Which brings me to my final note: You can absolutely ruin your man multiple times in one night. Do it!! There’s no real refractory period, remember? He stays unsatisfied and desperate for more, remember? He stays erect and physically able, remember? That’s pretty much the perfect formula for multiple orgasms. It’s one of the only ways that men can achieve that elusive wonder which comes naturally to some of us lucky women. So give him a treat! Ruin him once, give him a minute or two to recover, then ruin him again! And again! And again! As long as you give him a few minutes’ break between sessions, (and don’t fuck up the technique) you can pretty much keep ruining him all night long. He will eventually run dry and start “shooting blanks” – exhausted cock throbbing weakly, but nothing coming out – that’s probably a good time to stop. Conversely, it’s a GREAT time to hop on his hard, empty dick and ride yourself silly. Your call!
Ruined Orgasms As Part of Tease and Denial
Many couples who practice edging, tease, and denial integrate ruined orgasms into their play. My husband and I definitely do – it’s pretty much essential to us. Different couples will define “denial” in different ways. You can define denial for yourself. But my definition of denial means I control my husband’s orgasms. I allow him to have orgasms, but he can only have them on my terms. That means… when I want him to have a “full” orgasm, I give him a “full” orgasm. The rest of the time? I either tease and deny him, or I ruin him. He never knows what I plan to do until I do it.
Thus, every time he feels himself hitting the point-of-no-return, he experiences a delightful flash of uncertainty – a moment of pure submissive defenselessness and surrender – because his most basic male involuntary reflex is now under my complete control. I can choose to “finish” him. Or I can choose to “ruin” him. He gives that choice to me, willingly, lovingly, every time. It is his love letter to me – the single greatest gift he is physically capable of offering – and I cherish it. I respect it. I handle it with utmost love and care. And it makes me a fuller, more confident, more satisfied, happier woman. It makes our marriage stronger, and I adore him for it.
I strongly encourage any couple who plays with edging, teasing, or denial to try ruined orgasms (if you haven’t already). Learn them. Master them. And add them to your arsenal of pleasures. You both will thank me!!
PS: Special thanks to my husband, who (on my orders) scoured tumblr to find those many wonderful gifs and videos of lovely ruined orgasms. This was only a subset of the many he found and sent to me. I can only imagine how delightfully frustrating it was for him, searching through countless femdom and porn blogs, looking for video of men getting ruined – while he, himself, is currently enduring the longest, most intense denial he’s ever experienced. He’s survived two months of daily edging and teasing without a “full” orgasm, and he still has a month to go! My husband is a fucking champion, and after he sent me those gifs, I “rewarded” him with three hours of intense, mind-breaking, relentless edges… followed by a single ruined orgasm. The poor man basically melted in my hands. It was glorious!!
Damm, I like having fun!! Of course My version of fun is BEATING THE HELL OUT OF MY SLAVES, HAHA I am so evil. Another slave tryout today and another slave pushed way passed his limits. I TRAIN FOR PAIN like no other Femdom. This slave is enormous standing at 6-6 he towers over Me but you know what they say THE BIGGER THEY ARE THE HARDER THEY FALL LOL. When he bends over he looks like some alien being with only two legs and a huge butt HAHA so I call him Mr. just-a-butt ROFL. Be that as it may your Empress as little as she is has no problem wrenching him to his breaking point in no time. I always convince them to take more pain then they think they can’t. I just have a way for brainwashing men and turning them into My pain sluts-I LOVE THIS JOB! xoxo -your EMPRESS
Title: Make Him Cry for $1000 About:
During this clip I’m going to beat this slave and I have a customer that payed me to really hurt him badly as a custom video request. I will get up to $1000 bonus depending on how badly I hurt him. I go through three different whips n really make him cry like a broken pain slave, haha! Watch me in a hot latex dress whipping him and laughing about it, especially when I know it was a really good shot, LOL! He knows $1000 is on the line for me so agreed to sit there and be nothing but a degraded whipping boy for a video! I`m sure that turned him on in the beginning but he left a shredded piece of meat, LOL! ~Princess Bella
This post contains all of the ideas I have been able to come up with or find on the internet for female-dominant, male-submissive scenes. Please add any that you can think of! I followed the rule of one idea per top-level comment. I’m sure that there are a lot of ideas missing, since there are plenty of things my partner and I didn’t bother to write down because the didn’t come up or weren’t interesting to us at the time.
You’ll probably notice that a lot of the ideas are designed for use over many days and are associated with orgasm control. This theme emerged over time because orgasm control is so effective at heightening male desire. We use this list in a very simple framework when setting up scenes. First she picks one or more of the ideas below (either by hand or randomly) and makes rules and tasks out of them. Then, after a few days of suffering through them and pushing me to peak sensitivity, the frequency of rules and tasks increases (over a weekend, for example) and she adapts punishments from the list (or comes up with them on her own) to achieve a good, intense session.
So anyway, I hope you enjoy them and they inspire ideas of your own! Please note, though, that we haven’t tried all of them. Some of them may not be practical. Read More